“You can meet somebody where they are, and you don’t have to be right or wrong. You can disagree and still connect.”
In addition to being movie stars, Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively are proud parents to four children together: daughters James, 9, Inez, 7, and Betty, 4, and 1-year-old son Olin.
Though Blake and Ryan are super private about their kids, the couple — who’ve been married since 2012 — don’t shy away from discussing the realities of parenthood.
Most recently, while speaking at HubSpot’s INBOUND tech conference in Boston, Ryan talked about parenting and communication and hailed the benefits of being “soft” with his kids.
“I took a workshop on conflict resolution, and that changed my entire life,” he recalled onstage at the event, admitting that his “scarcity mindset” previously made it hard for him to process his feelings.
“I didn’t know how to unfold that thing in your brain that conditions you just always to win or be right,” he continued. “Something I love about [conflict resolution], and I know this is not very fancy, but what I love about it is that you can meet somebody where they are, and you don’t have to be right or wrong. You can disagree and still connect.”
Relating this to his experience as a dad, Ryan said his and Blake’s children haven’t grown up with the same “scarcity mindset” because he’s implemented a more gentle approach to fatherhood, aided by his ability to understand his emotions better.
“I have four kids, and so far, none of them seem to have that [scarcity mindset], partly because they were born on ‘Easy Street,’” he joked.
He noted that this approach is far more common among modern parents and totally differs from how he was raised.
“Parents today are so different. We’re so soft,” he said. “I don’t yell. I grew up with like — it was nuts, it was an improvised militia.”
“Now it’s like, I can go look at all my resources for parenting and remind myself how to be perfectly compassionate,” he said, acknowledging that the more modern approach is far more beneficial for parents and children.
Back in June, Ryan discussed the importance of being honest with your kids about your struggles, as well as your successes.
“People tend to only talk about their wins,” he told Hugh Jackman during an interview for People. “But I think it’s really important for your kids in particular, to know that you lose.”
“You don’t get what you want all the time,” he continued. “Something you worked on really hard didn’t work, you feel like you said something embarrassing today, you did something that didn’t sit right with you. It’s just so important that [your kids] see that and they don’t just hear, ‘Oh Dad nailed it.’ Because you lose so much more than you win.”
